Insecurities & Change

Insecurities..we all have them right? Some of us hide them better than others. Some of us try not to acknowledge them. Then we have the ones who embrace them and either learn to love them or change them. I like to think that I am in between. Sometimes I wake up feeling great than theres days where I’m like “how did I let it get this bad”

When I was middle school I hated my freckles…like I H A T E D T H E M. I use to think people were looking at my freckles the whole time. I would pile on the foundation (which by the way was a shade lighter..or maybe two) I thought that it help “hide” them. Which in reality it made me look weird and pale as hell. I outgrew that insecurity of mine once I started getting compliments and I would often get asked if I was the only one in my family with freckles. They became interesting to some and that made me not feel so out of place.

Now that I am 26 my freckles are the least of my worries. I think that what I am about to talk about will make a lot of sense to all my fellow moms. I was once super thin and well now not so much. I can’t fully blame having kids because I can honestly say that I let myself go. When you’re a mom you become a totally different person and its sad to say that you sometimes lose yourself in that world.

My problem area like so many other moms out there is my stomach. I had a c-section with Noah so my stomach was already kinda weird looking but now its just like “wow what happened there” I really didn’t start paying attention until I started noticing how my shirts started fitting me a bit weird, not just my shirts but my jeans too! The whole 9 basically. Once I noticed that it became very easy to start taring myself apart. I gain weight in not the most perfect places its not just my stomach its also my face. Ive always had like big cheeks but now they’re just over the top.

I think that once you become aware of something its the only thing that you see. Thats exactly what happened with me. I only see my stomach! When I’m changing, when I’m buying new clothes, when I take a picture thats the only thing that I focus on. And I think that only makes it worse. I realize that it was truly an issue when T and I had a conversation and I cried. And not like whiny cry like a full on cry and then another one when I was in the shower. I felt ugly and thats me being 100% honest with y’all.

Now let me clear something up people say my stomach doesn’t look bad but its not about what they think its about how I feel. I know my stomach won’t ever be as flat as it once was when I was a teenager and I’m not among for it to be that way. I know where it can be and it can definitely improve. And then it doesn’t help when you have moms bashing one another because you never “snatched back” which by the way is horrible to say! 

With that being said I have decided to change a few things and change whats making me uncomfortable.  I want to feel good, comfortable and stop taring myself apart. And ggiirrrl summer is almost here and I want to feel beautiful in a swimsuit! and not just any kinda swimsuit but a two piece swimsuit to be exact. I know this will be a process and I’m going to try my hardest to enjoy it and appreciate the process. I will keep y’all updated.

I know I’m just throwing my little insecurity out there for the world to know but I am not perfect. And its never too late to change.

Until Next Time

Miriam

 

 

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